Parody of Baby-Sitters Club book cover, #385, titled, "Is It Really Just a Crush, Stacey?"

#385: Is It Really Just a Crush, Stacey?

Whump.

The sound echoed through the gym. I wouldn’t have thought much of it– folks were always dropping large, heavy objects around there– but it was accompanied by a very atypical screech.

“Oh, shit!” some woman yelled out from behind where I was working with my trainer, Eric. I looked back and saw Kristy’s latest fling sprinting across the room, towards the cardio equipment. 

Where Claudia had gone.

Shit.

Parody of Baby-Sitters Club book cover, #384, Titled, "Claudia and the Very Special Episode About Normal Weight Obesity."

#384: Claudia and the Very Special Episode about Normal Weight Obesity

“Weight’s the exact same as last year. That’s good,” Dr. Shoemaker said, peering at my chart. “But your blood pressure is concerning. Does high blood pressure run in your family?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of.”

She sighed and took off her reading glasses, peering at me with a look similar to the one my older sister, Janine, shot me whenever she was disappointed with my handling of, well, anything in my life. I wondered if she had gotten into general medicine because she could look so stern; everything about her was angular and sharp: the line of her bob, the set of her jaw, her frown and narrow eyes. That must help with inspiring the fear necessary to motivate healthy decisions. “I’m not thrilled with your LDL or triglycerides, either. And we’re going to need to set up a fasting glucose test for you. I suspect you might be pre-diabetic.”

“Wait. What?”